This Saturday Sharif and I will be married for 10 months. That’s almost a year! As we are slowly approaching the one year mark, we have also been reflecting on our time as a married couple. We’ve made so many amazing memories and we have grown so much during this past 10 months. I wanted to do another blog were I involve Sharif and update you guys on our new life. So, here are 6 lessons marriage has taught us.
“Our marriage has made me better in the sense that I no longer only think of what only benefits me, but of what benefits us.” - Sharif
If there is anything we’ve learned from marriage is that you cannot only think of yourself. When you get married, you become one. This means that all decisions and plans must be made together. There is no longer place for selfish behavior, because what’s best for you isn’t always best for your partner and/or your relationship. Thinking more about what benefits us as a whole has made us more considerate people altogether.
“Our marriage has taught me that small gestures have a big impact” - Sharif
This one speaks for itself. When you do something thoughtful, you make your significant other happy. It doesn’t necessarily have to be something big, but you can show small gestures to keep your relationship fun and quirky. Small gestures can impact the way you feel. There are many times where Cici would be having a bad day, but a bouquet of flowers would instantly brighten up her day. Do not underestimate how much of an impact a small gesture can have.
“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t stay angry and you should always resolve arguments and conflict” - Sharif
This is something my parents always say to me. “And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,” Ephesians 4:26 NLT
As a married couple we obviously disagree and argue, but it’s important to correctly deal with those situations. Angry people often make bad decisions and say things they don’t mean, so, we always aim for resolution. When there is no resolution that anger will slowly build up and turn into hate, resentment and unforgiveness. All things we don’t want, because what we want is a long and happy marriage.
“Our marriage has taught me to be aware of how I speak to my husband and to be aware of what I say” - Cici
If you have read my ‘love language’ blogs then you know that ‘words of affirmation’ is Sharif’s love language. This has made me more aware of what I say to him and how I speak to him. I realized that the way I speak to my husband can either make him or break him. When we have a disagreement, I try to keep my emotions in check, because I don’t want to say something I would later regret. It’s not just about what I say either, but also how I say it. You can cause a lot of pain and be very hurtful, just by the way you say something. So put aside your attitude and think about what you are sowing into your partner's heart. Would you rather your words be good and helpful, or hurtful? These following verses have really helped me in this area:
“There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health.”
Proverbs 12:18 NKJV
“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
Ephesians 4:29 NLT
“Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”
Proverbs 15:4 NLT
“Our marriage has taught me that it’s extremely important to communicate how I feel” - Cici
For some reason our generation seems to think that their significant other just has to be so in tune with them that they can just assume immediately how they are feeling. News flash! That’s not how relationships work. Many times Sharif will be able to tell if I’m upset about something, but he will only know what is bothering me when and if I choose to reveal this to him. Assuming your husband should just know what is going on will cause you a lot of disappointment and frustration. By communicating how you feel, you not only free yourself, but you also make room for solutions and resolution. Do not only share your issues and feelings with your friends, instead you should see your partner as your confidant, the person you can tell everything to and whom you can be completely transparent and open with.
“One of the many lessons I’ve learned is that there is no room for pride in marriage”
Pride is what says: “I don’t need your help.” Pride is what says: “I can do this alone.” Pride is what keeps you from apologising Pride will say: “I am always right” Pride will slowly kill your relationship if you let it. I’m the type who finds it extremely difficult to ask for help, I’d rather do everything on my own. When I had to ask myself why, I couldn’t get around the answer. I am too proud to ask for help. Proud people also have a difficult time admitting they are wrong and apologising I have made it my mission to root out pride from my life and to cultivate humility instead. With humility I do not mean ‘the doormat syndrome’ as my pastors like to call it, but humility allows you to come to the realization that you are not better than everyone else. Coming to to this realisation means you now know that you can also make mistakes, you are not perfect, you need help from time to time and that an apology will not take away from you.
There is so much we have learned these past 10 months of marriage. We have learned so much more about each other and ourselves. We are not marriage counselors neither do we pretend to be experts on the topic. We do however know what works for us and we hope that sharing our experiences will bring some clarity to you and be helpful to your relationships as well. Thank you again for reading and till the next one!